Yuletide Qualms
by KooKoo 4 Kaiba
Summary: Amidst all the drunken revelry and pompous party guests, Arthur finds himself lonely and wanting more out of his Christmas. Little does he know that spending some time away from his duties to relax with Hunith, Gaius, and Merlin is just what he needs. Set between seasons 3 and 4.


Hi everyone! I'm so excited and nervous about the upcoming Merlin finale that I had to post this story to get my mind off things! This is my first _ever_ Merlin fanfic, so I'm really sorry if I made the characters OOC. Also, this story wasn't written as slash, but you're free to interpret it however you like. Many thanks to my sister for reading over this for me and giving me great pointers! Everyone, give her a big round of applause!

Anyway, I really hope you enjoy the story. :)

* * *

It was a beautiful, snowy Christmas Eve in the not-yet-magical kingdom of Camelot. People were running back and forth through the streets, making last minute deals for their special meals. Merlin was all the way up in Arthur's chambers, completing his final tasks. He kept pushing himself to go faster so he could join his family in preparing for the celebrations to take place the next day. After picking up the final articles of Arthur's clothing strewn across the floor, he threw them into the laundry basket and turned to leave. Hearing shouts outside, probably from some young boys having a snowball fight, he paused for a moment to look out the window and peer down at the people scurrying across the white-dusted ground.

It was then that he decided that winter in Camelot was more beautiful than anyone ever cared to admit. Most of the citizens liked to credit spring and summer as being the most enjoyable, with their long, languid days and vibrant displays of flora, but there was no season more perfect than the one that came at the very end of the year. True, the winter was fairly cold in Camelot. It consistently snowed lightly in the many weeks leading up to Yuletide. In fact, in all of its recorded history, Camelot had never _not_ had a white Christmas. And while some argued that the trees were too barren in winter and that the short days seemed to float by almost as quickly as they had come, none could dare to call it colorless.

Every year on the day of the first snow, everyone in the kingdom would light candles and display them in the windows of their houses. Some were creative and placed tinted glasses over the candles to create colorful displays. To the surprise of most, the nobles tended to get a bit in over their heads with the decorations while trying to outdo their neighbors, as there was an unsaid challenge issued every year between them. Peasants and nobles alike would chop down trees, or have trees chopped down for them, to decorate and display in their villages or houses. The largest tree, however, would always be placed in the courtyard of Camelot itself and adorned with beads of silver and gold and all sorts of opulent decorations. People of all ages joined in to play the special games which were held only at this time of year. These were traditions that stretched back far before Uther's time; some claimed that they were as old as Camelot itself. It seemed that no matter what evil plot was being formed, no matter how many men Morgana had managed to slaughter that year, the whole kingdom would come together to celebrate this one day. They all helped each other to forget the grievances which had befallen them previously in the year and look onward to the future.

It was these small things which made Merlin enjoy celebrating the joyful holiday in Camelot so much. In all his years back home in Ealdor, he had never known such feelings of community. While the villagers there were all friends with one another and would band together if a threat was ever posed, as they had proven before, they generally seemed to stick to themselves. It also hadn't helped that Merlin was generally looked down on with suspicion. He and his mother had always spent their Christmas together alone, though Will had joined them a few times, especially after the untimely death of his father. Merlin had always felt guilty, as though he had isolated his mother from the very people she had known all her life, but she would always assure him that she would rather spend every day with just the two of them together than be surrounded by all the kings in the world.

To be honest, Merlin couldn't have agreed more with her. While toboggan races and dances around a bonfire were fun, there was nothing he loved more than spending the holiday with his mother. When he had left Ealdor for his new life in Camelot, he had vowed to his mother that he would be there with her every year during Christmas time. This year, he had been absolutely ecstatic when she had written to him, saying that she was coming to celebrate Christmas in Camelot with him and Gaius. She had arrived a few days back and Merlin had hugged her as tightly as he could to let her know just how much he had missed her. Right now, she was undoubtedly slaving over the preparations for their Christmas dinner. While they were poor and could not afford much, they had been lucky enough to acquire a nice, fat goose for supper.

Staring out the window, Merlin was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice Arthur walk in.

"I know it's a holiday, but that doesn't mean you can slack off, _Merlin_," Arthur said in that playful, condescending tone only he seemed to be able to use.

Startled, Merlin nearly dropped the basket he was holding as his head immediately snapped up and whirled around to stare at Arthur. He huffed and replied, "I'm _not_ slacking off! I'll have you know that I just finished cleaning up this pigsty which you like to call your chambers. You really ought to take better care of it."

"Isn't that what you're for?" Arthur asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Or supposed to be, at least."

"Now, just because you're all wound up over this winter feast doesn't mean you can take it out on me."

"I'm not 'wound up' over anything!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, _really_."

"Then why have you been pacing back and forth, muttering to yourself about 'stupid dukes' and 'blasted feasts' for the past few days?"

Arthur made a face at his servant. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course not." Merlin turned around so that Arthur wouldn't see him rolling his eyes.

Arthur walked further into the room and took a seat at his now clean desk. "You don't know what it's like, Merlin. Everyone's expecting me to be a great host like my father. It's not just a party anymore. I have to act in my father's place – _I_ am responsible for anything and everything that happens – especially the things that go wrong."

Merlin frowned. "Sounds stressful."

"You have no idea," Arthur said as he lowered his head into his hands as though he had suddenly been crippled by a crushing headache.

"Can't you just, I dunno, _not_ host the party then? Call in sick?" Merlin suggested.

Arthur snorted. "If only it were that simple."

Merlin looked at his unofficial friend in pity. He knew that an unfair amount of pressure had been loaded onto his shoulders since Uther had been reduced to an empty shell. "Well, if this feast is as bad as you're painting it to be, you're free to come celebrate with me. My mum. Gaius."

Arthur looked up at his servant in utter shock and bewilderment. He opened his mouth to say something, but Merlin quickly cut him off before he could, saying, "I know it wouldn't be anything like the fancy feasts you're used to. We don't do anything special – just sit by the fire, tell stories, have a good laugh or two." He shrugged.

Arthur stared for a moment before cracking a small smile. "Thank you, Merlin; but you know I can't. It sounds nice, really, but I have duties. You know."

Merlin nodded. "Yeah. I knew you'd say that. I just figured I'd let you know, in case you change your mind. You're still welcome to stop by if you feel like it."

Arthur nodded his head in thanks, appreciating the kind gesture. "I shall do so." But they both knew he wouldn't.

Merlin smiled back. "Well, I ought to get going now."

"Goodnight, Merlin."

Readjusting the laundry basket, Merlin headed to pick up his trusty leather bag before leaving. However, once he held the leather pouch in his hands, he remembered something. He hesitantly looked back and forth between the bag and his master, as though he was making some sort of life-changing decision. Arthur, sensing Merlin's hesitation, asked, "What's wrong, Merlin? Forget where the door is?"

Merlin looked up at Arthur's questioning gaze and shook his head. "No, it's just I...nevermind. It's not important."

Arthur frowned, noticing his servant's utter dismissal of his previous insult. "Come on. Try me."

"No, it's fine. Really! I'll just-"

"_Merlin_."

Merlin sighed and slowly approached the prince. Digging into the pouch, he pulled out a small, rectangular box wrapped in plain, brown paper and tied with a worn ribbon. It was not expertly wrapped, but it was clear that the boy had really tried his best. "Here."

Arthur raised his eyes in surprise. "Now, what's this?"

"Uh...a present?"

"For me?" Arthur's eyebrows seemed to rise higher yet, if that was even possible. Merlin figured he had to be taking lessons from Gaius.

"...Yes?"

"Wow. Merlin, I had no idea that you cared so much," Arthur said, nudging Merlin playfully with his arm. "And here you led me to think I was a no-good, arrogant, selfish prat who didn't deserve anything but a lump of coal."

"Well, you are! I'm just being incredibly nice."

"And what, may I ask, have I done to warrant such an act of kindness."

"Nothing, of course."

"Oh, _of course_. Then why did you give _me_ a gift?"

"Well, I just...it doesn't matter."

"Come on! I'm curious now."

Merlin sighed and looked down at the floor, knowing he wouldn't get out of this now. "Will and I used to exchange gifts every year, and, well, it's not like we can do that anymore, because..." Merlin trailed off before clearing his throat and continuing. "Anyway, it just didn't feel right without giving _someone something_, and I guess I just thought you'd like it in his stead. You don't have to take it if you don't want. It's not really anything, just a little trinket." Merlin looked up from the floor to see Arthur staring at him with some indiscernible emotion on his face. He quickly scoffed at what sort of impression he was probably making on his friend right now. "It's silly, I know. I'm such a _girl_, aren't I? You can go ahead and say it."

But Arthur just shook his head. "No, of course not. I'm happy to accept your gift. Thank you," he said as he gently took the parcel from his (_not_) friend's hand.

Merlin smiled gratefully at him. "Well, then, I'd better be off now – for real, this time. Merry Christmas, Arthur!" And with that, he was off.

Arthur smiled at his retreating form until the servant turned the corner to go down the hallway. He then diverted his attention the small package resting in his hands. He wondered if he could open it right then, but immediately he heard Merlin's condescending voice telling him in his head, "_Just because you're a prince doesn't mean you can open your presents before Christmas_." He smiled and shook his head in amusement.

_ That idiot_.

* * *

The next evening, Arthur was in his chambers, being dressed for the winter feast by George. Arthur wondered if the poor man had a life. It was Christmas day, after all. It was true that many servants still stuck around during this time, but most were given the day off. Arthur had actually considered making Merlin come in, but eventually had decided that he wouldn't do such a thing. His servant barely ever got a day off, he had to admit, and he also rarely ever got to see his mother. Arthur knew how much the two missed each other every day. He also knew that if his father was in his right mind, he'd want to spend the day with his only parent as well. So really, he just _had _to give Merlin the day off...for Hunith, of course.

Arthur was dressed in his ceremonial outfit more quickly than he usually would have expected and was soon off to begin the winter feast. He swept through the corridors and quickly made his way into the great hall, where his noble guests were patiently waiting. As soon as he entered, they all stood up attentively before his raised hand put them all at ease.

"It is my great honor to host this feast tonight. I welcome all of you to the great hall of Camelot and wish you a wonderful evening," Arthur proclaimed in his voice reserved for important announcements. Merlin always said it was too over-dramatic. Sometimes Arthur wondered if he was right.

The nobles clapped anyway, and soon began to dig into the food, which looked and smelled heavenly. The nobles next to Arthur pestered him with questions the second he sat down.

"How has your day been so far, Sire?"

"Good enough."

"My dear darling daughter, a rare beauty, mind you, sent me the loveliest set of pearls."

"How wonderful."

"Oh yes, Sire, they are! She told me they were imported. Look, I'm wearing them right now! Aren't they dazzling? Of course, they don't hold a candle to the beauty of my daughter. She has the most expressive eyes..."

And that's how most of the evening went: nobles asking stupid questions which inevitably led to not very subtle attempts at trying to set him up with their daughters. Arthur tried his best to enjoy his meal in peace while simultaneously trying to ignore the innumerable looks and questions being thrown at him from everyone seated at the table. He thought about his father, with whom he had spent the earlier half of his holiday – if one could even call it that. He had thought that sitting by his unresponsive father, talking about the times gone by, would help him get through the day. Unfortunately, it had only made him feel more lonely. He really didn't have anyone to spend Christmas with. His father was out of it to say the least, Gwen had gone somewhere for the holidays with Elyan, and only the Lord knew where Gwaine had gone, taking the majority of his most loyal knights with him.

"_There's always Merlin_," said the nagging voice in the back of his head.

"_No_," he argued with himself – that fact alone was unsettling him. He _really_ had to be lonely to be talking to himself. "_Just think about how it would look if you showed up to a _servant's_ house to celebrate a holiday!_"

Soon, Arthur was pulled from his thoughts by someone calling his name repeatedly. He looked up to see most of the room's occupants staring at him. Arthur nervously cleared his throat and said to the man who was now staring at him with an odd expression, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

The man who had been calling to him poorly tried to hide a smile and some people even had the nerve to chuckle behind their napkins. "I was just saying that it was unnaturally cold out this evening. Wouldn't you agree, sire?"

Arthur nodded his head perhaps a bit more than was necessary. "Yes. Unnaturally cold indeed."

Most of the people decided to give the crown prince a break and looked down at their plates in respect, but some were still staring at Arthur in amusement. Arthur hated it. He could take any foe, magical or not, that hurled itself toward his father's kingdom. He could take dealing with the peasants, humble but loyal and far stronger than they were ever given credit for. He could take anything – anything but this. He _hated _these people. Stuffed, pompous, arrogant beasts, watching their prey with unforgiving, cruel, and judging eyes. He knew that they were laughing at him right now, even if he couldn't hear them. They thought he didn't know, that he didn't see, but he did. And it disgusted him. He wondered if he had been like this before he had met Merlin. Arthur knew he owed so much to the poor, unassuming boy. Merlin had taught him so much about life, about people, and even about himself. Arthur knew that it was partly because of Merlin's absence at his right-hand side that he was bothered so much. The world just didn't seem right without that idiot there to provide a cheeky smile or insert a witty comment.

"_That's right_," Arthur thought. "_You do owe Merlin. In fact, you owe him so much, that you might have to leave in the middle of this party just to make it up to him. Yes, that sounds like a great idea._"

Unable to take any more of the uncomfortable stares focused at him, Arthur cleared this throat and stood up. "I am sorry to leave you all, but I'm afraid that I am feeling a bit ill and shall retire early. I hope that you will all continue to celebrate in my absence anyway."

The man who had been pestering him before looked at him peculiarly, disappointment clear in his eyes – the same disappointment that would have been written all over Uther's face had he been there. Arthur tried to persuade himself that he didn't care. "I am sorry to hear that, sire. What could have stricken you so suddenly?"

Arthur cracked a small smile before saying, "It is unnaturally cold this evening."

* * *

The sound of laughter could be heard coming from Gaius' chambers by all who walked past the small dwelling. Inside, Merlin was telling one of his tales of adventure, bravery, and inevitable stupidity.

"...A-a-and then I said, 'Your face is the one that's an idiot!'"

Merlin, Gaius, and Hunith all doubled over with laughter once more. It took them all quite a while to breathe naturally again after such a laughing fit.

"Oh, Merlin...the trouble you get yourself into," Hunith mused as she wiped tears away from her eyes. "It's a wonder how you get out of it!"

Merlin shrugged. "I guess I'm just that skilled."

At this, Gaius scoffed while Hunith rolled her eyes and affectionately patted her son's arm. Their moment together was short-lived, however, as they were soon interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Now, who could that be?" Gaius wondered out loud as he made his way to the door. When he opened it, his eyebrows shot up and he took a step back in shock. "Arthur! I mean, Sire! What a...surprise. What are you doing here?"

Merlin instantly looked up at the door at the mention of Arthur's name. His eyes brightened when he saw the familiar figure of his friend standing in the doorway. "Arthur! You came!" Merlin instantly bounded towards the door to welcome him. "Please, come in!"

Immediately nervous at such a warm welcome, Arthur quickly began to explain, "I just came to stop by. You see, I had a headache and-"

Arthur's crummy and not to mention false excuse was cut short by Merlin grabbing his arm and dragging him inside. He motioned for Gaius to go ahead and shut the door behind them as he brought Arthur further into the small dwelling. "Have a seat, Arthur. Mum, you remember Arthur, right?"

Hunith smiled. "Of course. How could I ever forget meeting the crown prince of Camelot!"

"He's the prince regent now, mum," Merlin corrected quietly.

Hunith just shook her head and ignored him. "Anyway, it's a pleasure to see you again, your highness," she greeted warmly with a small bow. "I'd like to thank you again for all you did for me and our small village."

Arthur raised his hand and motioned for her to sit back down "It's nice to see you again as well, Hunith. And please, it was no trouble at all."

"Are you hungry?" Hunith asked him. "We've just finished eating, but we have some food leftover. I know you've probably already eaten, but just let me know if you'd like a bite to eat."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you."

Gaius took his seat by the fire with the rest of them. "Well, where were we? Oh, yes, Merlin, you were just telling us about that one brigand you met."

"Oh! Should I start from the beginning again? I probably should. Well, it was a pretty dreary day and I..."

Arthur listened intently to Merlin's shocking and surprisingly hilarious story, in which he learned many new things about his peculiar young manservant. Arthur was amazed as the boy pulled out story after story, each complete with its own set of intriguing circumstances and truly creative solutions that only Merlin could have thought of. Arthur laughed until his throat and stomach were sore. Sitting there, talking with Merlin, Gaius, and Hunith, watching his manservant's ears turn beet red at the embarrassing stories of his youth, and even sharing a few private stories of his own, Arthur felt so at home – more so than he had in a long time. They spoke and laughed far into the night until it got a bit too late for the older generation.

Hunith stood up, brushing off her dress and stretching. "Well, I do believe that I ought to retire now," she announced, barely suppressing a yawn. "I wonder what time it is."

"You probably don't want to know," Gaius warned her wisely.

Hunith smiled. "You're probably right. Well, Arthur, thank you so much for stopping by! I hope that you've had a very Merry Christmas."

"Of course. Thank you for having me. Merry Christmas to you as well," Arthur replied, taking that as his cue to leave. He was a bit disappointed for having to leave so soon, but he wouldn't argue after the wonderful evening he'd already had, so he started getting up to leave.

"Oh, no, please stay! Please don't leave on my account. I know Merlin was really hoping you'd come. Please feel free to stay for at least a little while longer."

Slightly relieved (though not visibly so), Arthur slowly sat back down in his chair. "Alright then."

"Gaius, would you mind helping me set up my room for the night? I'm afraid Merlin made an awful mess of it earlier today," Hunith asked.

"I did not!" Merlin protested indignantly. "I cleaned up...sort of."

Hunith smiled. "Of course you did, love," she said, playfully ruffling his hair. "Goodnight, dear. Don't stay up too late now."

"Don't worry, mum! G'night."

Arthur felt a small pang of jealousy as he watched Hunith kiss Merlin on his forehead and whisper goodnight once more before exiting to Merlin's small room upstairs, taking Gaius with her. Arthur had never had a mother to kiss him goodnight, and while he knew his father _did_ love him, he had certainly never been one for open affection.

While Arthur was lost in his contemplations, Merlin decided to break the silence by saying, "So, what's the story?"

Arthur looked up at him, a bit confused. "What?"

"The story! You know, your excuse for coming here. You wouldn't ever be seen coming to visit a servant's home, so what's the story? I'll probably need to know if we want to pull it off."

Arthur just stared at him in amazement, thinking, "_He knows me too well; it's almost scary._"

"So? What is it?" Merlin pestered him.

"I'll have you know that there is no back-story whatsoever! You're the one who dragged me in before I had a chance to explain myself. I wasn't feeling very well and decided to stop by to get a tonic or something from Gaius. Thanks to you, though, I had to suffer through the entire evening with a headache." He paused a moment before continuing, "I'll probably need some sort of tonic to take with me anyway, though – in case people talk. Just in case!"

Merlin chuckled, but stopped himself once he caught the not-amused-at-all expression on Arthur's face. "That can be arranged," he said, standing up and walking over to Gaius' medicine cabinet to pull a small bottle out. He brought it to Arthur, who took it gratefully. "There you go! All set."

Arthur nodded his thanks and leaned back into his seat, making himself more comfortable. The two boys just enjoyed each other's company and let themselves be warmed by the fire. Sitting there and staring into the flames contentedly, Arthur remembered that he had come to see Merlin on a mission – one that didn't include procuring headache tonics. "Oh, Merlin! I just remembered. I have something for you."

Intrigued, Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates when he saw Arthur draw out of his pocket a small, wrapped box. Seeing as though Merlin was too shocked to say anything at the moment, Arthur cleared his throat and said, "You mentioned something about you and Will having a gift exchange, and I figured it wouldn't really work if only one person gave a gift."

"A-Arthur, you really didn't have to – I didn't mean that-"

"I know! You can just say thank you and be done with it."

"Th-thank you," Merlin said, still astonished, as he gingerly took the box from Arthur's hands. "Really, thank you." Then, with a bit more spunk, he added, "I didn't know you cared."

Arthur blushed but tried to cover it up with a scowl. "Idiot. Just open it already."

Merlin was about to before he paused and asked, "Have you opened yours already too?"

"No. I didn't find any time to today. Too busy."

Merlin nodded. "Well, if you brought it along with you, we can open them together."

"I think I did. Hold on..." Arthur trailed off as he started to dig through his coat pockets. He eventually pulled out the small box Merlin had given him and exclaimed, "Aha! Found it."

Merlin smiled eagerly at him. "Alright then. Ready? One..."

"Two..."

"Three – Hey, Arthur, no cheating!"

* * *

Yeah, I probably should have warned you about the abrupt ending...sorry 'bout that. Anyway, thanks so much for reading, despite my really crummy summary! I hope you all have very happy holidays and a wonderful new year! :D

~Kooks


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